Dealing with Controversy

It’s interesting to me how controversies are dealt with in various areas of life. Perhaps nothing brings light to this subject better than marriages. How do married couples talk through differences and handle arguments? What about discussions in the work place, among family members, or friends?

A good friend of mine at Mississippi State University had an interesting marriage counseling session before him and his wife got married. While talking about communication, their pastor asked them how they would handle disagreements when they come up, since, they will definitely surface. The pastor suggested that they come up with a sequence of steps to go through together. For instance, step 1 might be for each person to say how they feel and why they feel that way. Step 2 might be to take time and pray about each others feelings. Step 3 might be to suggest ways they could work through the problem. Finally, Step 4 might be to reconcile feelings and make an effort to change.

This counseling has made a huge difference in their marriage, and although it may seem tedious, it brings out the necessity of good communication. It’s remarkable to me how powerful good, constant communication can be. Too many times in the past, I have failed to see the importance of this, and God continues to show me how much I neglect other people in the communication process. Brandy and I have to remind ourselves daily to set aside time to simply talk. I have thought of a few timeless truths to remember about communication as we attempt to live daily with an attitude of grace toward other people.

1) Never Make Assumptions about Someone or Something
Assumptions will absolutely destroy relationships. People gather all the information they need to make this decision or that decision, while the truth remains behind an unveiled curtain where it may never be revealed.

2) Attempt to Put Yourself in Other’s Shoes While Making Decisions
If you have to approach someone about a certain circumstance, put yourself in their position for a second. Try to feel what they are feeling, and enter into their perspective.

3) Gather the Facts
Take the time to talk to others involved. Find out why he or she might have said what was said, or the circumstances behind this or that comment. In other words, make sure that you are justified in feeling a certain way. I think that you will find that most arguments arise out of a misunderstanding.

4) Be Honest
If are feeling a certain way, don’t let those feelings build up inside until destruction is inevitable. Take the extra step to deal with people in honesty and be straight forward about your feelings. (This is a hard one for me)

In summary, the best thing I can say is to deal gracefully with people. Perhaps nothing brings glory to God better than graceful living, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Our culture earnestly desires these things from those who are the closest to us. It is a great testimony for marriages, friendships, and families in the presence of those looking for hope in a hopeless world. 1 Peter 3:8-12